I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Randomize
