I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Randomize
