only if we run a train.
done.
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Randomize
