I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
It's not a walk of shame if you run
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
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