I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
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Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
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GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
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