People in love make me want to vomit
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
Randomize
