walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
Randomize
