I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
Randomize
