break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
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