i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
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