I understand Curling. That high.
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
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