Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
25 Of The Most Cringeworthy Internet Stalking Fails
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
21 People Who Barely Escaped Death
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
In other news, I just burned my penis
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.