He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
These 23 People Had Sex With Someone From Completely Different Cultures
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
25 Medical Facts That Need To Be Common Knowledge
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast