drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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