If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Randomize
