why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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