im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
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Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
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I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
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