Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
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