I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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