Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
