the new term for farting is butt boxing.
yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
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