I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
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