you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
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