I didn't shave. On purpose
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
Randomize
