Buhtt sex?
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
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