currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
He has the fingertips of a God
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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