If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
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