I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Randomize
