the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
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