I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
its liver damage thursday
Randomize
