i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
Randomize
