That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Randomize
