I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
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