Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
Randomize
