Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Randomize
