By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
Randomize
