Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
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