I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
Randomize
