I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
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