Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
Randomize
