I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
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