just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
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