I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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