You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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