I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
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