maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
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