you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize
