I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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