I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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