put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Randomize
