i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
