I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Randomize
