If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize