Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
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