Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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