my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
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