I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
can we get nightvision for the apartment?
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
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