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Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
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I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
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Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
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