I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
Randomize
