East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
can u get pink eye on your cock?
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
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