a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
Randomize
