i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
Randomize
