you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
Randomize
