I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
Randomize
