Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize
