I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
Randomize
