He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
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