So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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