also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
Randomize
