Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
Randomize
