I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize