It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
Everything about him screamed your future.
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize
