I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Randomize
